When thinking about getting back “on track” with our eating or ending self-sabotage around food, traditionally we’ve had to resist the food and garner up enough willpower or discipline to make changes. What if the issue isn’t about the food and isn’t because of who you are around food?
People often ask me how Truce with Food is different from therapy, other coaching programs, diets, etc. They are also curious as to what kind of results they can expect from the process.
One of the main differences with Truce with Food is I look at unaligned eating (eating mindlessly, when you’re bored, tired, are self-sabotaging, etc.) as a symptom that you’re feeling a sense of risk or unsafe. But what do I mean by that?
We’re often turning to food when we feel our sense of belonging is at risk or threatened in some way, which could look like:
All those situations lead to feeling at risk (whether it’s a perceived or real risk) that you could be judged, fail, or would be rejected (either by others or yourself) and so you do what you need to do to protect yourself. And, when your needs aren’t met or you feel constricted for a period, you press the release valve by diving into a Costco size bag of M&Ms, or a family-size bag of popcorn.
One client expressed it perfectly when she said, “I’ve essentially been imprisoned by the thoughts, values, and opinions of others and it has impacted my sense of self. I’ve realized that the physical weight I’m carrying has been from the expectations, pressure, and stress from trying to be someone else for the approval, love, and validation of others. That’s why it didn’t matter how much I worked out, didn’t eat, did eat, etc., because the issue wasn’t really about the food, but was lurking underneath the food. Overeating is a symptom!”
What this client is describing is choosing how we want to respond to our lives in the present versus reacting to our past story. To be able to respond instead of reacting, we have to feel safer. Often, we feel unsafe from our own self-judgments, which we project outwards onto others and our experiences. We are subjected to these judgments unless we can start to see, “Oh! This is what I’m making this mean about me. Is this actually true?”
For example, do you ever say something and then read the look on someone’s face? Based on the look you may think they’re judging you for saying something “stupid.” You were making meaning based on the expression of their face and then quickly created a self-judgment. It may have been true they were judging you, or it may be untrue.
The more we can see the values and self-judgments wrapped up into our sense of “good” and “bad,” the more we can question our story about ourselves and the situations, and then choose differently.
When we are subjected to our story and the meaning we’ve made about ourselves, we’re often unaware we are creating a perception of ourselves, let alone projecting it onto an experience. Instead, it just feels like ‘this is what is happening’ and then unconsciously, ‘this is what’s at risk.’ And often the emotion is laced with shame, which makes it feel so overwhelming.
The first step towards experiencing a Truce with Food is understanding what specific meaning you made about yourself in your story and identifying how this meaning was often learned from other people. As a part of that, we also need to identify the values and self-judgments authoritative influences had and passed onto you, implicitly, or explicitly.
Once we know what was passed onto us, we open ourselves up to other possibilities and start to question whether we’re really at risk or not. Over time, we build our resilience and explore other options of how we want to be in situations that are more rewarding. Then, you can give yourself more grace and compassion, instead of judgment. After all, we are just human and have needs. Right now, you’re likely doing what you’ve had to do to meet the needs you had in the past. But, what if your needs have changed, or you aren’t even sure of what your needs are right now?
That’s where Truce with Food comes in! By identifying the gap between what you value and how you’ve been protecting yourself, real shifts can start to take place with your relationship with food, as well as your relationship with yourself, work, and others. It’s a powerful process!
Three months into her Truce with Food program, my client Z. G. shared how much it was shifting things for her in her life:
“It’s like I have a new best friend that I want to protect, honor, care for, value, respect, affirm, and love. It’s like a homecoming in which I’m beginning to feel rooted and grounded in myself. I’m starting to feel safe and secure within myself, with myself.
This is the feeling I’ve been yearning and searching for in other things and people to give me. And I didn’t have to be 150 pounds to get here! I’ve been going all around the mulberry bush chasing things and people I thought would make me happy, worthy, lovable etc., while neglecting the person right in front of my face!
I haven’t had any popcorn since last week! And I don’t have this insatiable drive to get it like before. I even turned down a piece of cake! That’s a huge deal for me because I rarely turn down food, especially cake. I just didn’t have a desire or need for it, so I passed.”
I don’t know about you, but I got goosebumps when I read that. If you’re wondering if you could get the same results from Truce with Food and if it’s right for you, check out the “Healthy Relationship with Food Masterclass!” You’ll discover the steps that will help you end comfort eating, clear up mental chatter around food, and feel more comfortable and confident in your body!
How do I stop obsessing over food and binge eating?
The key to stopping obsession over food and binge eating is understanding that the issue isn’t about the food itself but about the underlying feelings of risk or lack of safety. Obsessive and binge eating behaviors often arise when we use food to cope with emotions such as feelings of inadequacy, feeling invisible, too much, and/or the need for validation.
By identifying the specific meanings and self-judgments that drive these behaviors, we can begin to shift our relationship with food. Instead of focusing on willpower, a process like the Truce with Food program, can help you get to the bottom of what’s taking you off track with your eating so we can align your eating habits with your true values and needs.
How can I gain willpower over food?
Gaining willpower over food involves more than just sheer determination. Traditional approaches that focus solely on willpower often fail because they do not address the root causes of unaligned eating.
Instead, explore why you might be turning to food when you aren’t hungry, or as a way to unwind. Feelings of judgment, fear of failure, or social rejection can drive us to seek comfort in food (sometimes without even realizing it). By addressing these emotional triggers and redefining your relationship with food, you can reduce the need for willpower. It’s about creating a sense of safety and self-compassion, which in turn reduces the reliance on food for emotional comfort.
Why do I not have willpower over food?
Lack of willpower with food is often a symptom of deeper emotional needs not being met, rather than a personal failing. It’s common to turn to food when feeling unsafe or when our sense of belonging is threatened. These feelings can stem from fear of judgment, failure, or rejection to name a few.
Rather than focusing on willpower, bring curiosity to times when you binge eat or mindlessly eat to examine the specific emotional triggers that led you to eat. Understanding and addressing these triggers can help you build a healthier relationship with food. Programs like Truce with Food emphasize the importance of aligning your eating habits with your values and emotional needs, which can ultimately reduce the need to rely on willpower.
Laura is a Certified Holistic Health Coach and holds a certification from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN). She has supported over 125 clients who know what they should be eating but have a hard time sticking to it by helping them identify the familiar patterns keeping them stuck so they can radically transform their relationship with food.
Laura is a facilitator of the research-based Truce with Food® process, which helps clients achieve sustainable results by getting to the bottom of why they fall off track and aren’t able to remain consistent. She’s also the creator of the self-paced course, “Behind Your Cravings”.
After successfully losing 60 pounds and working through her own emotional relationship with food, Laura’s mission became helping others get to the bottom of their self-sabotaging patterns.
Laura coaches clients one-on-one, in small groups, runs workshops, speaks at summits and conferences, and has been featured in Voyage Chicago. Laura can be contacted at [email protected].
