Have you ever uttered the words, “I feel fat!”? That statement used to enter my mind on the daily, even after I had lost 60-pounds and was maintaining my weight. I still remember the first time I had the conversation with my health coach when she said, “Laura, fat is not a feeling!”
I felt it so deeply and it felt real to me, so how was it possible that I was getting it wrong? Many times, when I would look in the mirror those words would enter my head. If my pants felt a little tight, you guessed it! ‘I felt fat.’
Have you ever thought, ‘when I hit a certain number on the scale, I’ll finally feel good in my body?’ We often think when we reach our ideal weight, how we feel in our bodies will change. So why was it that even after I lost so much weight, I still consistently felt fat and my body image was skewed?
In those moments, no amount of body positivity would have helped me through. I felt so bad about my body that trying to shift my body image by saying positive affirmations wasn’t going to get me very far.
My coach’s comment stuck with me for a couple of years and then one day it hit me! ‘Ooooooohhhhhhh! That’s what she means. I get it now!’
What I learned is, “fat” is the meaning we assign to a feeling and how we feel about that meaning. There are many things we place meaning on that aren’t always the most accurate representations of what is actually happening, or the intended meaning.
How many times has a friend not responded to your text and you made it mean they were mad at you, only to find out they read the text, got sidetracked and totally forgot to reply? The meaning you put on the silence and lack of response was you had done something wrong and in turn your friend was mad at you.
The same can be true with how we feel in our bodies, as it typically isn’t really about our bodies. (Side note: this is similar with how we feel about food. If you’ve ever felt out of control around food, it likely wasn’t really about the food. Was there anywhere in life you were feeling out of control?)
When we’re focusing on how we’re feeling in our bodies, there is often some vulnerability or uncertainty also present. For me, that would show up when I felt uncertain or vulnerable as I was starting out in my business. Focusing on my body felt like a comfortable resting place, even though it wasn’t serving me. It felt like it was the one thing I could control when other things felt out of control (even though I wasn’t actually in control over it).
When having this conversation with a client, she realized that “fat” is a label given to encompass a collection of feelings. So, take a minute and reflect, what does feeling fat mean to you? As I mentioned earlier, for me any time I felt vulnerable for potentially being misunderstood, is when I would feel extreme discomfort in my body. For others it might mean you feel at risk of being inadequate, unvalued, rejected, exposed, etc.
Another way to think of this is, next time you start to focus on feeling uncomfortable in your body, see if you can pause and ask yourself:
It’s OK if you aren’t able to identify it yet because it can be a process and take some time to get there.
The good news is, once you’re able to get to the bottom of what you’re really feeling, we can then start to work on ensuring you feel emotionally safe when perceived risks come up. If you’re curious about what could be triggering you to “feel fat” and you’d like to learn more, this is the work we do through the Truce with Food process I take my clients through.
Check out the free “Healthy Relationship with Food” Masterclass to discover why you know what you “should” eat and are able to stick with it some days, but then fall off track on others.
Why do I feel so fat?
Feeling “fat” is often not about your body itself but a way of expressing deeper emotional experiences. When you feel vulnerable, uncertain, or out of control in other areas of life, this discomfort can manifest as a feeling of being “fat.” It’s a label we attach to a collection of feelings that may have nothing to do with your actual body size.
What can I do when I feel fat?
When you start to feel “fat,” pause and reflect on what’s really going on. There can be a huge mix of emotions, so it can be challenging to identify what you’re feeling since we often don’t want to feel them. A hint is that this feeling often arises when you’re experiencing vulnerability or discomfort in other aspects of your life. For example, when I was starting my business, I would focus on my body and would feel “fat” anytime there was a new level of uncertainty or vulnerability that was coming up.
Why do I constantly feel fat?
If you constantly feel “fat,” it may be a sign that you are consistently dealing with underlying emotional issues, such as insecurity, vulnerability, or feeling out of control somewhere in your life. The feeling becomes a habitual response to these emotions rather than a true reflection of your body. Addressing these deeper emotions can help alleviate the constant feeling.
Why do I still feel fat after losing weight?
Even after losing weight, you may still feel “fat” because the feeling isn’t really about your physical appearance. It’s more about the emotions or beliefs you have attached to your body. Losing weight doesn’t necessarily change how you feel inside, especially if those feelings are rooted in deeper emotional experiences. Understanding and addressing these emotions can help shift your body image.
Laura is a Certified Holistic Health Coach and holds a certification from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN). She has supported over 125 clients who know what they should be eating but have a hard time sticking to it by helping them identify the familiar patterns keeping them stuck so they can radically transform their relationship with food.
Laura is a facilitator of the research-based Truce with Food® process, which helps clients achieve sustainable results by getting to the bottom of why they fall off track and aren’t able to remain consistent. She’s also the creator of the self-paced course, “Behind Your Cravings.”
After successfully losing 60 pounds and working through her own emotional relationship with food, Laura’s mission became helping others get to the bottom of their self-sabotaging patterns.
Laura coaches clients one-on-one, in small groups, runs workshops, speaks at summits and conferences, and has been featured in Voyage Chicago. Laura can be contacted at [email protected]
